He said there is a high chance I'll have to continually clear the lines because tree roots will constantly grow into it, and because the line is made from old clay tile.

The two car garage is actually a metal garage on his property and he thinks he has an acre and a quarter on his side which if the house comes with an acre doesn't add up to 2. 

Most REO sellers will not turn on or allow water to be turned on, or allow repairs for appraisals or before closing, most secondary market loans require all utilities to be on at time of appraisal, minimum 5 years or more roof life left, no holes in walls or flooring larger than a quarter,  or significantly soiled flooring, walls, ect. 

I agree someone else can do bookkeeping and let your CPA double check quarterly.

Example: land doesn't have income, but has expenses for quarterly taxes so I can't track financials because there's no money coming in.

You may have to pay in quarterly estimated taxes (Form 1040-ES) depending on your total tax liability, and how much you have withheld on your W-2.

I also don't want to have to check the meters monthly, quarterly, etc. 

You need to do quarterly inspections to keep them in line.I would have contractors do all repairs and bill the tenants for the costs.

Pretty decent apartments in the french quarter start around $200k. 

Only a measly quarter of a trillion $$$ between them :(Just check the list of richest people in the world.