The city doesn't want to volunteer to take these buildings down, since it costs them at least 15K in non-recoverable dollars. 

You could do a Non-Prime, Non-QM type loan that approves you based on your business bank statements/cash flow in. 

Which Banks in Boston are doing non-owner occupied construction loans?

But, at this point, give my non-conventional financial situation, is it even worth trying to "fix" my dti?

I'm wondering if anyone has purchase a non performing, residential mortgage note in the state of New Hampshire?

Not no rehab.. and you don't get fake tenants and fake leases.. and payments on empty properties etc etc.. that gives you an illusion that your investment is safe .in my almost 2 decades of funding turn key this is the biggest violation of the public trust I have seen.. many get away with it for 2 to 6 months then go broke but this has been going on for pert near 2 years.. and now all these nice folks are learning that they were sold a bill of goods in many cases. 

Who does HELOCs on non-owner occupied?

You can deny her application.https://adata.org/publication/service-animals-booklet

Here's the listing https://matrix.miborblc.com/Matrix/Public/Portal.a.... 

Mayor Marty Walsh has just filed a regulation for Boston that allows OWNER OCCUPIED short term rentals to continue - with annual fees, of course.However, for non owner occupied / investor-owned STRs, the proposed regulation would require the investor to get the property reclassified from residential to commercial.