Don't hire the giant property management companies and expect them to care about your handful of properties when they have much bigger fish to fry. 

My issue is, I'd like to do the work myself, but Northern California is impossible for a small fish like me, even though I have a large cash savings and a great HELOC.

Stocking the fish ponds.

Better to teach a man to fish to feed them for a lifetime, as they say.

I think is is a conflict of interest as they know all they have to do is push the deal across the finish line and whether it winds up being crap or great, they've made a good nut up front. 

There are about 40 spices in the cabinets, 5lbs of flour and sugar, tons of chicken, fish and steak seasonings, vinegar (balsamic and white), spaghetti and sauce, rice, cupcake liners, etc etc.There is just about as much in our lake house as in our regular house.If you can't make it in that kitchen, you don't need to make it.  

Random example - I know someone who just purchased an ice fishing cabin as a short term rental.

One of the tenants was a nut case , she got an order form the courts to have the owner and the other tenants removed because she feared for her safety .

It's a little nuts.

I'm sorry to hear about the challenge for you and your group (cracking the nut and getting into the market).