Your main objective needs to be finding a lender that can help you pull this off.

I've tried applying the rules of thumb, running the BP rental property calculator, and talking with my agent, but at this point I'm definitely not objective and I'm approaching analysis paralysis.

I would also consider note lending if I was you. you can normally get double digit returns without having to take on as much of a long term commitment of funds.

No one is selling double digit returns anymore. 

I would prioritise first clearing your debt keeping in mind that investing is a slow process based on solid business goals and objectives.

Generally there is no objective interpretation of type or extent of need.

Her mysterious replies might be coming from a lack of experience working with investment properties.Also, have you given her a clear cut understanding of what your goals and objectives are?

Through this study they study the market, the land, the zoning, the jurisdictional permit requirements (including land use, which in itself can be a very long process, up to 2-years in Seattle), as well as discuss what your goals and objectives are for the property (like maximize profit).

Personally, I recommend investing in whatever market or markets that are most likely to allow you to achieve your investment objectives regardless of where you live.

@Carter Jones What's your main objective right now?