Now, I know you know a lot of this, but I just wanted to have fun pointing out your exaggerations as much as the "anti FIRE" crowd points out the "impossible". 

But also remember the courts you will be walking into for the most part are pretty landlord friendly, and if the tenant has nothing, it might be nearly if not completely impossible to collect on any amount that they dont pay.Also remember you ARE required by state law to minimize damages to the tenant who moves out, and you are not allowed to double dip, ie charge the tenant who is moving out and charge a new tenant at the same time.Are you sure it will really take you 3 or 4 months to lease your property? 

Other areas (many areas in my experience) it’s really hard or nearly impossible to re-zone because the community (and zoning board) just doesn’t want more multi families in the area.

The smell may be coming from an old carpet pad or subfloor stained with something that may be next to impossible to get out.  

Right now it's impossible to find even 10% ROI properties on the MLS in htis area (if you know otherwise then please share these neighborhoods!)

Almost impossible to find something with A/C.

The other loan programs mentioned my Amy vary so widely by lender, it is impossible to list their specific details.Just as an example, here are just a few of the things that are wrong with the Freddie Mac loan specifications posted by Amy:Freddie Mac Small Balance Loan Program The rate is NOT fixed for a range of 5 years to 30 years.

I get that it may be difficult or impossible to get exact numbers.  

I've been having no luck. 3 lenders now have told me my foreign address makes it impossible. 

It's not impossible, but I do feel like Llyod Christmas in Dumb & Dumber "... so you're say'n there's a chance!".