Am I going to learn or re-learn truly useful stuff, like the above for how to help mothers with newborns get a right-sized house for the expanding family (which incidentally might benefit Quinton the REI in a bad HML), or is it going to be a bunch of useless mind-numbing junk that makes me want to contemplate self-harm?

Home Depot or equipment rental places rent them as well. 

If you buy multis in bad areas or declining areas you are just asking for trouble.

Most 1800's and early 1900's homes are in nice historic areas or in bad parts of town.

So, there's no depreciation...sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but don't let that deter you.

I am a huge advocate for people respecting the business we are in (this means taking the time beforehand to mentally prep and equip yourself for the great real estate journey you are about to embark on).  

It is in a bad area, where no one wants their business and is old and probably would need $200-500k in work to be habitable.

I've been using the same company for five years, but the last year or so has been a steady downward spiral of bad communication, poor service, and now almost zero effort on rerents of vacant units. 

Quality of tenants?

That's a span of time you can't even fathom at your age.2)  BUILD a SOLID FINANCIAL FOUNDATIONGet your credit score to >700 (there's a ton of info on how to build your credit anywhere on BP or Google)Obtain or continue earning W-2 income (this becomes important when you want to obtain a mortgage down the line)Pay down any bad (consumer) debt and don't pile on any additional bad debt.Start saving.