This makes me slightly nervous as rent is technically due tomorrow (we closed on Monday so not a lot of time to “get in there” if you will).

Yes I know you can technically put systems in place to accommodate that, but it will always cost more and be more of a headache than slightly larger MFs. 

Their agent, though she is technically mine now too, as I don't have one (intentionally).

FIFO, LIFO, etc) are not available for real estate.The technically correct term for it is "real estate held for resale", not "inventory" although pretty much everyone in the industry calls it inventory.Treatment is similar, but method of accounting is more restricted....in a nutshell.

So technically $280,000 would be a loan.

Many people have no issues, but technically that loan is for owner occupied. 

Keep in mind that the "Fund" is technically a misnomer.

Regarding question 4, technically FHA does not allow you to purchase another primary residence when you're departing from another primary residence in the same marketplace (100 miles). 

My challenge is that three years ago, I signed onto the deed and mortgage of my mother's home (our family house) to help her refinance and consolidate debt, without really understanding what that would mean for me when it came to buying my own property -- so I technically "own" a home already. 

At this point, you are not technically looking to "disqualify a deal", you are more so "ignoring what doesn't fit your predefined criteria".