It would be a big gamble to buy this thing and not break even and then enter into any sort of issues with maintenance or finances.

It might have enough appreciation to offset all the money you throw at the house in payments and maintenance, taxes, etc, but if you want to gamble with your money, there's better ways to do it.I think you need to start with goals and decide if this deal lives up to your deal standards.

It actually negatively impacted my social life because I hate going to the same stupid social events where people talk about mundane things like sports or reality TV.

That, in addition to NJ sports betting and you may be on to something in south NJ.

If an area says "No kids outside exercising or playing sports related games".... then everyone's hands are tied. 

I feel like people are going to Vegas to gamble the sports are an after thought or in addition to, not the primary focus.

This isn't relevant to the real estate side of your post, and I'm sure you already know about it, but in case you don't, look up the Brazos Valley Sport Riding group on Facebook.

We're not talking SF-over-the-last-10-years appreciation, but I'm interested in predictable investment returns, not gambling.

I had two kids in elementary school, with several after school and weekend sports activities.  

You do not want the neighbor listing on mls or other network because you have no way of knowing what someone else will pay for the place (of course, it could also work in your favor but that too is a gamble).