The house looks pretty nice....I'd lose the flower pots around the front door; if possible, add a small pair of shutters to the window on the porch and repaint the shutters a burnt-orange that will go well with the brick but still make it pop.

I have a pair of tenants almost exactly as you described.  

I say, put on a different pair of glasses and stop looking at it through the eyes of the civilian with 3.5% down and an FHA loan.

Do what the police request.As to your paranoia, see a shrink and you need to grow a pair if you are going to be in real estate!

What's the odds of some no-fold-em-hold-em player hanging on with a pair of deuces and making a hand on the river?

Anyway a couple months ago, I was at one of our apartment communities, when a pair of church ladies were going around knocking on doors.

If you're going to be changing them yourself or hiring someone else to do it, buy a pair of washable, electrostatic filters.  

Winning the lottery would meet my investment goals, but I won't play because I know the odds and have no way of influencing them in my favor.I have little respect or patience for anyone who glosses over these risks, and I'm glad that you do not provide your clients with a complementary pair of rose colored glasses, that is the sign of a true professional IMO.I still disagree with the degree to which the risks can be assessed and mitigated by a newbie investing out of state, even with due diligence, and this is due to my experience as a non-newbie doing all the due diligence described, going through 7 property managers in 5 years, and still not being able to find a single solitary one that was willing and able to do the job without repeatedly trying to rip me off or leave any profit on the table.

From what I saw it sounds like AirBnB pairs folks like me with a "Co-Host", and I'd love any insight into how this works (or doesn't, or if I'm mistaken in how this might fill this need).Please let me know if I'm missing any gaping points in my narrative, and I appreciate any and all perspective you can help me with on this!

I'm brand-new to this whole thing, and am about to buy a pair of properties that will require a total of $15K work done.Property A needs a new roof and some other work.