@Michelle Eisenberg Obviously, I am biased, but CPAs (just like other service professionals) are worth their weight in gold.

If so, what type/breed, age and weight? 

@Michael Baradell this is kind of a weighted question.

.#2 Are there other lending options out there for me that would lessen the "closing cost" blow?

No PM worth their weight in cow dung would call the Landlord for advice.You should absolutely evict at the earliest possible chance.

RTR's rep is second to none and your perspective on this carries a lot of weight.

The dirt doesn't change its weight.

Why turn to happy hour and use other vices as band-aids but rather share them with others so advice can be given and a weight can be lifted from your chest.My stories range from trying to appease all 8 heirs to a probate acquisition... to showing up in the early morning to a Buckhead rehab with the back door kicked in and all tools stolen... to having no contractors show up for a week due to a myriad of excuses... to finding a lien on the property due to a previous owner... to the joys of dealing with historic district supposed guidelines... to listing a property in 2016 and finding out 80% of the "cash offers" are from wholesalers and digging to figure out who is a real cash buyer.At the same time, the highs of listing and receiving a dozen cash offers within the first 48 hours is a rush that is hard to compare.  

Another thing you might think about doing is renting out a room in your current residence and making them sign a lease and whatnot that way you can prove to the lender once it comes time for you to have proof that you've had the experience instead of just saying "I have a room rented out in my home" you can just hand them the paper with the tenant's info on it; it carries more weight, if that makes sense. 

@Arianne L.It's not often an agent would randomly lower someone's offer, obviously lessening the chance of getting the deal (and commission) - so that is certainly odd.