The only conclusion I have is, the apartment is a dump and they have a really hard time getting a body to live in it, which equals a lousy landlord and thus the headaches that they encounter, vacancies, calls from tenants complaining, calls from lawyers wanting to sue them etc.  

You can get a signed lease electronically scanned and followup with returning the original.

We found a cheap option with our state real estate group where they have a standard application and we scan it in to them.  

Good times That sounds like it could have been a scene straight out of Dexter.Hope it wasn't a body in the freezer.

I'm of the belief that if someone will treat their body like this; why would they care about the property I've worked my life to have?

They pant to expel heat from their bodies.

It's one thing if you're intentionally underpricing it (gets you a warm body quickly), it's quite another to refuse to consider increasing the rent when the market interest is telling you you're under priced...because you "know the market".Let me ask you this: If you raise the rents and you get, say, 5-10 people calling you in the first day will you be upset or happy?

They sign it, mail it to me, I sign and scan/email them a copy. 

Exception of course (as stated by state law) is, if the one of the list tenants is called for active military service, or if there is a court judgement on family violence amount any of the listed tenants, then the tenant(s) can terminate the lease prematurely without any fee or penalty.

Can you just email them the lease and ask them to sign and scan it back to you?