If all in around $435k, wouldn't she need to leave money into this deal with a projected ARV at $500k?

In my opinion, an in person meetup > an online connection.You may want to consider making a connection here and meeting up for coffee or attending a real estate networking event.Best of luck!

Their ability to recover their money should you default is much lower in this position.

I personally am not investing at the moment. 

The biggest question you need to ask yourself is if you are doing this to afford a property you otherwise couldn’t afford or to save money period, that will lead to very different conclusions about where/if to buy. 

However, I also have ways for them to pay with cash, card, money order, cashiers check, and personal check.

I talk to person after person in local RIEAs.

sounds like someone got a nasty gram.. we see this with the syndicators that are called out then threaten the investor who called them out.. or anyone else companing about a service only to have the company either threaten or tell them if you take this down or retract we will give you your money back.. kind of like landlords lying about how great their dead beat tenant is to just get them to move on to the next landlord. 

Was that purchase money, rate and term refi, or cash out refi?

Did you guys ever raise private money?