Being that I own it outright, and only need $125k (budgeting for unknowns), not many hard money lenders have been overly interested.

My realtor linked me up with a lender and we applied for the VA loan for a 0 money down loan and we got into it for 3.875 APR, 30 year fixed for a total of $242, 548.

I view it as using other people's money, no different than a private lender.

I am also looking for a VA lender to see what I generally prequalify for.

I'm in the position to apply(depending on lender DTI requirement) for conventional financing through the builder at <6% interest rate in this current market.

How will this affect myself and my siblin regarding the IRS in terms of gift of equity, etc.I have spoke with a couple lenders that really can't think outside the box, and don't know how to answer these questions.

its not owner financing if its done by a third party, its just private financing.

If so, ask your lender if an letter from your employer stating you work remotely would suffice the deal. 

There you will find 'lenders'.

There are DSCR lenders that will refi these post-rehab just fine.