We also  need to make sure the deal is good enough to make it worth our time and the scope of the rehab is something that we are capable of doing.

The old adage is "If the deal is good enough you will find the money".

Is that good enough for you?

Keep in mind to do something like this, you must have a good enough deal that the private lender's combined LTV (loan to value) does not exceed 75% and my personal rule is 70% as a lender.Another way to do this is to use hard money, plus the private money, then once you have it rehabbed and cash flowing, refi into the conventional loan, of course this is risky because it depends on if the lender will fund and they will not for at least 6-12 months after.As to your elevator pitch, I would not use the terms and abbreviations mentioned in the example for the simple fact that most of the friends and family you will be speaking to are not seasoned or sophisticated investors and will likely get confused when you toss out what is to them, complicated terms.

However, I'm not sure if the return on owner financing is good enough to split.

The account that I've used was referred to me by a family member who owns a large amount of real estate so I figured he would be good enough for me. 

Two things I would worry about in this market is if you can find a good enough deal to gain that 20% equity (always harder with your first deal) and the cash flow after you refinance.

heads up for rollzI played full time for 1 year, I wasn't good enough to pull good money and was miserable (fish on a heater 100%) so moved on, my hourly plummeted when I went full time, glad I tried thought.

So my debt to income wasn’t good enough.

Or just buy in cash if the deal is good enough and refinance