At the same time we have those expect a full service, driving around town, hand holding. 

Even owner occupied VA 4-plexes are around mid 4's.There are going to be multiple schools of thought here because there are multiple variables.On one hand you can refinance the VA loans into conventional.

I am an out-of-state owner of a single-family house who needs a good pair of eyes and a set of skilled hands.

I have plenty of powerful spreadsheets, but also looking for something simple in the palm of my hand for when I'm no the go, driving for dollars, etc.Anything out there that you'd recommend?

Nowadays, you can buy handfuls of houses in Arizona city for pennies on the dollar, but no one to move into them. 

Plus like the other guys said, you can be totally hands-off if you like and just be a passive investor. 

Once you have clearance docs in hand you can move forward with build back.

I was born and raised in SF and although I do see these areas changing quickly, I don't believe it will be quick enough for you to feel safe.It sounds to me like you are not scared of getting your hands a little dirty and doing cosmetic remodels.

Be advised, these auctions in most counties are very competitive and attended by at least a hand full of pros who do this for a living.

I ended up purchasing a bank owned SFH for ~50% ARV with cash, from family loans at 12% & 0 pts, rehabbed it, refinanced it into a 30 yr loan and walked out of closing with ~$8k in hand - all within 60 days.