I own a home that has turned into an immediate problem child. 

Tonight might be too short of notice as my wife and I just had our 2nd child last week.

Detroit is the poster child for major city declines.

I can attest to doing it with a wife and small child; it's worth it for sure. 

You could then create a series LLC with each property held in child LLCs under a parent LLC.

What is the claim - that someone is going to sue them, or kidnap their child, or what? 

I would not be living there, but my child would.

and only after you covered properly the "other" aspects of risk management (insurance, umbrella insurance, proper property management, etc.).Unless you are doing flipping (or AirBnb), in which case I suggest you look into Series-LLC and you operate each flip in its own child-series (if not clear why, ask for more details).Anyway, a lot of this is covered in my notes, and that should save you hours of research and hopefully clear some confusion as to why you want it and when and how.

He fails to recognize sarcasm that would be obvious even to a child. 

In the middle of the direct mail campaign our second child was born and it became clear that I wouldn't be able to devote the time needed to work my full-time W-2, build a flipping business (with the goal of saving enough money to buy an apartment), and raise 2 kids.