An effective elevator pitch should be in your bag of tricks.

We haven't had to do many evictions, but when we did we stayed in contact with the tenants and provided them with packing boxes and strong 3 mil garbage bags prior to the sheriff lock-out.

I just bought one of the traps for about 20 dollars and a bag of bait for 15. 

We have no plans to look in on them, unless the proverbial tea leaves start showing signs of issues with the tenants. 

Brown bag your lunch and brew your own coffee.  

I think cardboard is better looking than trash bags which are fairly common in the city instead of curtains or blinds

Howdy @Phil OstrowskiSorry, I realize I am jumping in here a little late.With this type of mixed bag portfolio, with properties in multiple locations (markets), I would not get to concerned with using Cap Rate to evaluate the overall deal. 

This deal is much too tight, you will be the bag man for the bank at these numbers.

@Dave MorrowLet's backup a little from asking whether your math is correct and look at the tool (or in this case metric) you have selected.If you have a 3" Robertson screw, you are not going to reach into your tool bag for a Phillips screwdriver or a hammer.  

I just like playing tea party, I guess......Best of luck and let us know how it goes!