The accounts seem to materialize out of nowhere and with no purpose other than to express undying love for the life changing advice offered by said guru, often accompanying eerily similar language across hundreds of different gurus.

In PR, understand the locals disposition to OOS investors, even those fluent in Spanish like yourself (or so I gather from Spanish language interview questions).No harm in beginning the interview process with both lender and agent today.

If they are unprofessional or use foul language your only response should be "unprofessional/foul language makes it difficult to understand your concerns.

Would like to connect in person to discuss local markets, changes in financing, contract language, preforeclosure, JV partnerships, script practice, various types of alternative financing. 

For example the fireplace is sealed and no longer operational and I would like to make sure there’s some language that ensures guests don’t use it

I would hope they understand the laws enough to draft this language but I’ll certainly double check. 

So, if I were to receive a partial payment, I would contact the tenant about refunding it and cite the notices language requiring a WRITTEN agreement to accept payments before taking a partial payment.

Is there a language you prefer vs English?

I would list them as Rent to Own (more people understand that language then lease option).

Consult your tax advisor.You realize all I literally had to do was Google "irs airbnb active", scroll down and find their position in a Memorandum.Strong language makes weak arguments but you missed that lesson.