The property is in FEMA Shaded X flood zone and on high ground but surrounded by wetlands/swamp far from any main bodies of water.I'd like to hire someone to look at the property and tell me if the wetlands are going to help mitigate, or make worse, future flooding events.

You can look any loan officer up by their NMLS number here: HTTPS://NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORGOnce you look them up you can see what states they are licensed in, if their license is active, what company they work for, the company address, if they have had any regulatory actions taken against them, etc.

just put empty calories / more crap through your body holes, and literally into the toilet.

The legal and regulatory aspects of selling a home, including managing the necessary paperwork and ensuring compliance with local laws, can be a bit overwhelming.

I worked with an agent that I competed in a body building show with oddly enough and if you are around the Conroe tx market his name is Rodolfo Solis 936-444-9231

Custodians do exactly the same thing but with the added regulatory and financial scrutiny.

Glass block (or frosted, or filmed glass) in a bathroom or shower certainly makes details on a person’s body less identifiable, but outsiders can still see that a person is using/taking a shower.

I also have a very very very small chance of getting let go from my job since it is regulatory work for the state government.

A broker, acting as a broker under the guidelines of regulatory agencies, acting with the knowledge that they have a duty and responsibility bound by their licensing and being paid a traditional brokerage fee with full disclosure on the HUD of the amount is perfectly fine and there is no difference. 

Part of me wants to self-manage, as I already manage other properties from out of state but this being a multi family and a sizeable building subject to onerous regulatory regime, and that I am time poor puts me off.