And I struggle through the expert interviews. 

It's all the about the location and the view.

You could also engage the services of a buyer’s agent.

Here are a few suggestions on how you can maximize the wealth of information available: Check out the blogs and podcasts, or take advantage of the search feature (magnifying glass).

Or, ya know, just spend the next 140 hours trying to get a self-study law education followed by another few hundred hours self-study to sort out how to avoid repeating the situation.That's the reality of it all. 

And then, you ask your soon to be tenant during their walk through, if they are familiar with that type of lock and how to use a paperclip or stiff wire to open it.

I need some tips for investing when your immediate home is a HCOL area.

I was thinking that the very thin hard carpet could serve as a sound insulation layer, and just installing click together LVP right over the thin carpet and the thin hard stick on tiles. 

Making money and keeping money are not the same thing. 

Here's a video with some tips, but I recommend you watch several videos, read some blogs, and educate yourself on what to look for in a brokerage: