The land is on two tax lots so my plan is to sell the extra lot immediately after closing for a projected $275K.The property on the other lot will be a fix and flip with projected costs of $240K and an ARV of $750K.I plan to use a PML of 2 points and 12% APY for 70% of the total cost.

You will need probably 20% of total cost (Not including financing costs. 80% LTC) as the down payment.

Mortgage recasting is a great option for homeowners who:Have received a windfall, such as a bonus, inheritance, or proceeds from selling another property.Want to lower their monthly payments without extending their loan term or going through the hassle of refinancing.Are satisfied with their current interest rate and loan terms.How to Get StartedIf you’re considering mortgage recasting, here are the steps to take:Contact Your Lender: Ask if they offer mortgage recasting and confirm your loan’s eligibility.Determine the Lump Sum Amount: Decide how much you can afford to put toward your principal.Calculate Potential Savings: Use an online mortgage calculator or consult with your lender to estimate your new monthly payment and total savings.Submit the Request: Once you’ve made the lump sum payment, your lender will process the recasting and provide a new payment schedule.Final ThoughtsMortgage recasting can be a powerful tool for homeowners looking to reduce their monthly payments and save on interest without the cost and complexity of refinancing.

Basically, the more you ask for relief as a percentage of the total, the harder it will be.You will need to show a hardship that you did not create.

while I totally understand the frustration especially purchasing what was supposed to be a new and ready to go asset, but these things are pretty common so don't feel to discouraged. 

I'd say just start your search with all 2-4 unit properties, and when you find one where the numbers make sense and it checks your other boxes (somewhere you actually want to live and house hack), then it probably makes sense. 

With the caveat that you have to pay off your VA loan (or use less than your total eligibility) to be able to use it again moving into another property. 

But when you start getting into the thousands of dollars on this stuff it just feels predatory. 

LENDBASE has the following feesConventional:1% origination fee$500 doc fee (est)Title Work TBDAppraisal $2000-$3000Environmental $0-$2000 (depending on search) Which all seem pretty normal, but FIRST they require you pay them up front $4,000.00 to start brokering loans, it’s their "non-refundable engagement fee.”Has anyone ever heard of this ever?

I can totally see why you may have felt ashamed, but the reason these forums exist is to share information.