Way better deals than the MLS I might add, but they always come with lots of hair on them.

You would need the right style house where both units have acceptable interior egress without getting into each others hair or you are really talking about a roommate in which case you will need to drop rent and might not like the lack of privacy for you and your wife. 

How do I fix this and who do I call (not Ghostbusters...)I remember a shopping plaza I drove through once where there was a bargain hair cutting place and a high end salon.  

For both USDA and SBA loans, add about 45-60 days on top of whatever you’d expect for normal financing (30-45 days) because there’s some paperwork and general hair of them.

Although it got me in the door, it is not a strategy that can scale for business or health reasons( I want to pull out my hair at times) However; I would not tell someone not to do it. 

A few weeks ago we actually closed one at very low LTV (like 50%) because it was a 1031 exchange where the borrower exhausted some of those funds for maximum rate buy down and ended up pushing it a hair below 7%.

Try to figure out what will work best LONG term for you...and do a bunch of that, so it's scalable.I've continually created more headaches here in Chicago by doing STR, MTR, LTR, wholesaling flipping, etc....not I'm laser-focused on our renovation business but have enough expertise across the board to share what didn't work for me lolI am no longer investing, but I love Garfield Park and anything SE towards the lake. 

No wonder he lost his sleep and hair.  

It will be worth it in the long run and you wont be pulling your hair out.

People would no longer be restricted to buying healthcare plans that included hair plants (CT anyone?)