Purely answering the 80% vs 90% leverage question, in most cases it's better to reach for that 20% down.

The only reason we don't qualify for traditional lending is because I took some time off to help my terminally ill father, and my husband has been in a commission-based role for less than a year (the lender said you need 2 years of history for that).

I would expect him to respond based on what you said.

I recommend finding a US-based bookkeeper who specializes in real estate and doesn't have too much on their plate.

Ground up loans are very experienced based.

There’s probably a legal notice period for that too, based on your market. 

The debt is not yours, and unless a question is asked in a way that would subject every investor to having to reveal the debt of every entity he was an investor in, you should have no problem.This is based on my knowledge and experience, I am not an attorney.  

Quote from @Derrick Roland II: "but based on my pre-approval"  This is the most important phrase of your post.Where did you get that pre-approval? 

I am a CT based investor, flipper and property management company owner.  

I am based in Virginia and licensing requirements here seem manageable.