It looked like it was an inch thick and hairy.

Find an agent with thick skin, and expect them to complain about every offer you want to make anyway.My experience has been that about 90% of asking prices are way too high for investors, but make offers anyway.

But you've already bought a house and are in the thick of it.  

Do you have a thick or heavy accent that makes it hard to understand you?  

If not, maybe buy some thick area rugs.I have to say, I find it especially weird it is the unit below his. 

I'm buying my first property with no agents involved and I just picked up a thick stacks of papers from the escrow office that I need to sign.

Hardwood floors are durable and if you have 'em already and they're usable, by all means, keep them.Not having anything done to them in 30 years could be a plus if the wear layer is still thick enough to allow for it to be sanded.  

Flooring I would look at the really thick high quality laminate planks (you can find on sale too for cheap) and most people will not be able to tell the difference between that and hardwood. 

Rubber cement and router needed. 2nd house I did a tile counter but with thick grout lines.

When it's Saturday AM and I want to sleep in till noon, I still miss my thick black sheets and dislike my wife's "but it looks nice" option!