I've bought property nationwide, made my bosses and partners a LOT of money, but it was a long hard road to get there, and sure, I can freely admit that when some window-licking muppet gets in the pool (we're back to the metaphor part now, just FYI) and overbids on some god-awful deal based on his "Zestimate" and then tries to re-sell it to our office, it costs everyone time, money and hair off the back of my head. 

The typical brown bag lunch, cut cable, 1 hair cut a month, I paid $1000 for my car and it works perfectly.

Lost some hair off my head for sure. 

I am a guy , now if I am in a house with 2 females I would be subsidising  a lot of their utilities , I dont blow dry my hair , take long hot showers , and dont do different loads of laundry for different clothes . 

Took 6 months and they asked for everything but a hair sample.  

Can you tell they had a cat from smell or hair?  

It is mostly semantics in this thread, splitting hairs.

As to what Steve says that is what you need to do.Take emotion and being upset that another human being would do this to you out of the equation.Follow your local landlord tenant law steps.Do not deviate and document everything.I know you just wish to do what this guy says to get him out of your hair but it will come back to bite you later on.

I do want to help him despite him being hair pulling worthy...I just haven't done this before exactly.

You will tear your hair out for at least the first 6 months after your first purchase.