City of Oakwood, however, it seems that point of sale ordinances that call for criminal penalties (whether or not actually enforced) will most likely be held unconstitutional, at least where no administrative warrant procedure is provided.

Next Summer (2019) I would love to work for a real estate investor or real estate company as an intern during my Summer break.

No criminal record. 

You can give the account an internal "nickname" (2302 Main St deposit) as a reminder of what it's for.

The main thing of course is to be aware of and follow all the additional tenant protection ordinances that seattle has which go a lot further than WA state landlord tenant law does.Seattle has a just cause eviction law ,    additional categories of 'protected class' that you cannot discriminate against,  there are rules around what you can and cannot consider when doing screenings  (you cannot consider most criminal history for example),   and there are rules forcing you for example to accept a six month interest free payment plan for deposit and last months rent if the applicant requests it.   

How else is McRib International gonna scale to the stars?

If you tell them up front that you require a minimum income of 3x the rent, a credit score of at least 650, and that you will conduct a credit/criminal background screening on every adult, that should weed a lot of them out before they bother applying.

People are much more likely to tell you, "We'll think about it...we have a couple more places to look at", than they are to tell you "I have a criminal record/bad credit/eviction record/whatever and don't think we'll qualify for your rental".Of course, if your rentals are overpriced, and they are able to find comparable housing for less money, then that's another possibility as to why they aren't coming back to complete an application.

Does anybody at all on this website reading this actually think that "McRib Seminars International" could possibly be a real thing?

We got hosed by a criminal turnkey company there in Chicago so that was/is a tough experience.