You are getting pitched most likely because you are asking people to point you in the right direction instead of saying these are my two favorite options, which do you think will work better for me based on my finances and preferences.

We are retired and have no plans to work (other than work from home).Budget is around $700K with about 3000 sqft, preferably ranch style.

Should we offer preference and less equity?

My preference is to actually have to separated as cost efficiently as possible, but also wouldnt mind the ADU and main house shared meters as this would save me costs on my initial construction. 

Also, I would also suggest incorporating some property management fee into the analysis even if you prefer to do it yourself - at some point you may want to hire someone.

Personally I prefer areas where it is not "block by block" like northeast philly, roxborough, chestnut hill, west mount airy, east falls, fairmount, graduate hospital, etc. 

I work with hundreds of investors who prefer the middle part of the country and south of the mason dixon line.

If you rent to him and something goes wrong, you will lose the friend and you put yourself in a financial bind.I recommend you tell him you prefer keeping the friendship and business separated so you can remain friends.

Yes, you can JV with a homebuilder and come up with some type of preferred return and/or waterfall structure to share in the return. 

Unfortunately what they don't ever tell you is that they want the "gift" back when you sell the property.1031 and death are two options (I'm sure one is more preferable).