My bank can refinance at 70% of appraised value, so at $70k less closing cost, I'll have enough coin to take the kids to Chucky Cheeses (if it ever opens) and have an income producing asset for ZERO out of pocket cost.

Bungalos with cottages and small ranches, etc.  

The two cottages are completely separated by a fence with their own private yards.

Driving through your rental property, if you see a remodel going on stop and talk to the workers, head cheese or contractor is probably not there.    

Completely rehabbed the front dwelling (2bd, 1ba Folk Victorian miner's cottage) top to bottom and added 1/2 bath.

Does that mean 30 cottages are on 3 acres?

The one you wanted did so, the investors were there to bid on that one, just as you.Bring more cheese next time.

That doesn't mean you can't have a cheese burger once a month, but it means that you don't drink four glasses of milk a day. 

Let's say you're  traded a package of American processed cheese product paid for out of your food stamp allowance for someone else's Powerball ticket.

Two coats of really good primer, then two coats of semi-gloss and it will be beautiful in a cottage type of way !