The only major issue is that you need to get your wife to accept the fact that people will be "getting freaky" in your bed and possibly all over the house...But if you are not going to put down roots you seriously need to set your "base" in a state without income tax. 

BTW: The stucco wall and slab prevent little creatures from entering inside the home. 

Is there some sort of zoning law that would prevent this, or have you already looked into all of that?

With the leases already in place how do I prevent myself from paying for their water out of my pocket?

Also learn how to prevent such issues in the future.

FYI, the standard deduction does not prevent you from taking all the deduction related to rentals. 

Apparently remediation is going to cost around $2,000 with and if I want to prevent it in the future, a $100 / month servicing contract for bedbugs. 

Something to be aware of but not something I think would prevent you from getting another place.  

A screen does not prevent someone from falling out of a window.  

I would have thought there'd be some kind of rule preventing that.