No income, no credit, no down payment, no patch of dirt, no problemo amigo.  

On the property, there is a small patch of grass that needs mowing 1-2 times a week.

As a machinist, you should not have difficulties finding a job in Texas, especially anywhere near the oil patch. 

I am vacillating between just taking the $280k, putting it in Patch of Land, or other equivalent vehicle, and getting my 9-10% a year without having to deal with properties, managers and tenants in my retirement. 

Tons of cracking and pot holes and patching.

That would probably be cheaper to do than demoing the fireplace and patching the wall and floor.

(Wood trim repair, concrete patching, retaining wall repair, etc.).

When I first walk into the property there is a noticeable smell as well as a big patch on the kitchen roof that shows signs of a leak in the plumbing.

E.g. my $7500/unit interior renovation may be the same scope as someone who penciled $5500/unit, and they simply forgot about the cost of adding a GFCI for a new microwave circuit, scraping the popcorn ceilings, and patching the walls. 

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