I also own a haunted hayride park open every fall, where patrons ride on a truck/trailer and shoot live zombies with turret mounted paintball guns, among other attractions we offer.  

Mike - I do have a photo showing the closet walls and floor lined with plastic, grow lights, thermometer mounted to the wall, etc.

Fast forward about two months in, the evaporative cooler is replaced with two window mount air conditioners and our electric bill nearly doubles. 

I've "put boxes on the wall" including mounting / leveling ledger boards, etc.

If they feel insecure you could add another type of lock, like a sliding bolt that mounts on the surface and slides into a hole drilled in the jamb.

Well, you've got cabinets mounted on the floor and ... no wait - the pictures are in the wrong orientation.

Damaged caused by floor mounted water heater.  

I want to mount the locking mailbox inside the foyer so the boxes aren't outside.

The Deal - It is a 3bedroom 2 1/2 bath in Mount Pleasant SC.

I am thinking some full time rehabber with his own crew can pull off what you cannot - you may just break even or make a very small profit by dumping it now but if you keep it you will likely just watch your profit margin drop as construction costs mount until you are in the red and lose money.