Your writing style is distinctive, as is your confusion about what it means to have a portfolio and your inability to comprehend what a cap rate is and is not.

These are both very important distinctions.  

You will have 2 distinct and separate loans against a single collateral.

Also, I’m going to focus on FNMA guidelines as opposed to FHLMC – there are subtle differences, and in some circumstances a FHLMC loan might fit your situation better, so be sure to consult your Loan Officer.FNMA has 2 distinct sets of guidelines.

I am having trouble with the distinctions between Class A, B, C and D properties.

It is distinctly possible these were placed in service before the property was.Tools such as a lawn mower and snow blower would be 5 year property.

One distinction to keep in mind is that the equity you have in a property may not be the same as the amount you'd get out of the property if you sold it.

I distinctly remember close to a decade ago standing in his backyard holding a beer and talking about a "when I win the lottery I am going to build a sweet man cave/workshop" and we projected costs.

inside of refrigerator and pantry-grind lemon or grapefruit peel in the disposal for a fresh scent in the kitchen

What you may be hearing regarding double closings is not so much that they are not ideal, but that most title companies will no longer do them because they perceive risk in not having two distinct and separately funded transactions.