I believe the problem is that they assume since you are married you should have the same primary residence; perhaps going to different banks would alleviate this issue?

If you find out that you can do a better deal with something else, sell the property and do a 1031 exchange for a multi-family (to alleviate capital gains taxes).

Yet, people choose to take prescriptions that cost hundreds of dollars a month to alleviate the condition rather than cure it.

Your worries will be alleviated by using another professional.  

For me, the pain point of finding reliable help is alleviated when someone genuinely wants to learn. 

This is sort of dead money because I am now paying a pref return on this money even though it's not being put to work on a count of I can only renovate units as they turn over.The other options are to renovate units with the property cash flow which seems like the wrong way to go about it - and that still doesn't alleviate the problem of property renovations eating into CoC returns though it solves the problem of "dead money".The last solution I can think of is to raise the money year by year as you need it which presents other problems.

As mentioned $100/door might not provide enough to alleviate from unexpected events (even assuming capex, vacancy, etc is included in expenses).

There's a mixed feeling of stress and joy that I actually find rather pleasant, but it would be alleviated if someone could offer advice on how to approach lenders on this forum.Thanks for listening,Daniel Rogers

I also laid out multiple options where they would get not only their deposit back but also some extra money on top as well to help alleviate some of the hassle with moving. 

Of course using the new numbers she would have to sell you a $500K TIC which would then create a $250K gain to her anyway and do nothing to alleviate the remaining gain at the end any way.