I'm absolutely terrified of Newburgh - I went to visit, and I didn't step one foot out of my car. 

Sounds like you are talking about a VA loan in which case you would be able to get up to a 4 unit.If you can get into a house hack 2-4 unit property with no money down and that doesn't terrify you then go for it if you can make the numbers work.

I really just want to start small (no 10x rule for me...) as I am so new to this (and terrified of this market).  

Totally excited and a little terrified at the same time. 

That's ridiculous and terrifying and the house is remote (Adirondacks) so it's not like I can run an extension cord to a neighbors house or leave a generator running unattended.

But now one son and one son-in-law want to do something with brewing beer and owning a brewery-bistro or something (not privvy to all the details at this point) and I'm terrified for them.

We are terrified and we no longer wish to honour the lease document and want to leave asap.

We've saved up and now that we've had twins - we think its time to make a purchase at $2-3MM even though this overheated market is a little terrifying.

I'll second what @Hadar Orkibi said about not applying for anything that would affect your credit if planning to take a bank loan or similar.I went on a rewards credit card rampage last year and signed up and was approved for 3 of them and finally denied on my fourth attempt.

When I did my best to explain I couldn't make an offer he went on a rampage... he was screaming, yelling, telling me I have no respect for seniors, I'm just like all the "others", he even rambled something incoherent about Hillary Clinton... at the end of his screaming he demanded I tell him what I would buy it for, I gave him a stupid low price and he hung up.