I am doing pretend deal analysis for practice and fun on random properties I see on Zillow.

You can sneak around the issue and pretend these are insurance inspectors or try to sell the condo sight unseen, but this will be a lot easier to just let the tenant know your intentions. 

Solutions 2 through 9 are variations of the "pretend God is an idiot" theme and I'll just skip.

(and trust me they will pretend to LOVE the place and throw stories or feelings at you)Don’t be that guy and if seven walk through and you only get one to fill an applicationyou might want to reconsider your pre-screening process. my pre screening process saves me time from showing people the house who won’t like it and aren’t at all qualifiedBefore you even agree to show them the property, ask the right questions!

Collaterally, others will benefit if I do my job well, but I don't pretend for a second that that is a part of my business plan.

lets pretend you say no because you think you don't. 

So I actually went ahead to one of those (there are MANY websites) and they do not even pretending because their websites says "AVOID PAYING ANY PET FEES" and "FLY WITH YOUR PET WITHOUT HASSLE" and "5 MINUTES TO TURN A PET INTO AN EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL GURANTEED!!!"

HELOC for down payment and closing costs comes to $30,815. or do I pretend the $30,815 is my cash and I don’t have a monthly payment? 

Let's pretend...major pretend...for a sec that the car story is true and the check/funds are legit. 

:D My tenants just pretend they are pirates.