I'd like to get a heavy duty version but can't find one.Maybe I'll coat the pipes with Vasoline to keep bugs out.

I am scared she’s going to poke holes in pipes or something!

You have to look at list price and see if they are over inflating, at market, or below market for current condition of the property being marketed for sale.Without knowing your current net worth, liquidity, annual profit income from job or business it is hard to comment further.For example if you have good cash coming in and want to create wealth you might be better off buying a new house in a new development going up phase zero (just dirt and pipes).

Also you might make however many calls you need to make sure you're exhausting whatever equity (or retirement accounts) you have available.I bought my first house with some % of my 401k for the downpayment. 

If your insurance covers loss of rental income that may be another source for capital during that time and may offset the cost of the hotel.If its going to take longer than a few weeks, you may offer to have them stay in another rental property if you have one available until the repairs are made.If none of the above options are available, then you may have to look at evicting because the house is not habitable and is too much of a liability.I would definitely exhaust all options to keep the tenants if they have been good tenants. 

It seems like there's a lot of exciting businesses in the pipe and access to Wayne Junction makes it a very attractive area.

Also, pay $275 to have the pipes camera inspected. 

We know that if a pipe bursts on Christmas Eve we can get it addressed.

Some of the people you dupe into believing that you're going to buy their house and then screw over by reneging on the contract are going to have friends who do unreasonable things like find out where you live and hide out in the bushes near your car with lengths of steel pipe and degenerate pygophiliac designs.

Then, after they've exhausted those, they're looking at 5% down payments from then on out.