If you aren't showing income on the property for the year, bonus depreciation isn't necessary.In general, I would recommend splitting the attributable costs evenly between your personal and schedule E. 

Even so, I would prefer to forgo getting a loan from a bank etc. - I have about 50k cash. - I currently live with my parents to help out so my expenses/rent are very low.

I believe it will barely break even and in addition to that, I wouldn't be able to afford an extended vacancy period either as that will require more reserves than I have currently available.

The 1% rule is a real estate investment guideline indicating the minimum monthly rent you must charge your tenant to break even on a rental property.

Even banks won’t attempt to do it.

I would appreciate any and all feedback even if it's just telling me that I'm missing the obvious.

I'm not even going to validate your bogus strategies with a counter.

HAConvert everything into a rental, even my primary homes. 

I've included an example below to help illustrate this.So different lenders have different rates (which do vary even for DSCR loans) but these are factors they all consider.See example below:DSCR < 1Principal + Interest = $1,700Taxes = $350, Insurance = $100, Association Dues = $50Total PITIA = $2200Rent = $2000DSCR = Rent/PITIA = 2000/2200 = 0.91Since the DSCR is 0.91, we know the expenses are greater than the income of the property.DSCR >1Principal + Interest = $1,500Taxes = $250, Insurance = $100, Association Dues = $25Total PITIA = $1875 Rent = $2300DSCR = Rent/PITIA = 2300/1875 = 1.23DSCR lenders generally let you vest either individually or as an LLC.

For example, there'll be costs for Title/Escrow, lender processing/closing fees, and even origination fees.