I finally gave in and decided to talk to them.

Talk with your lender.

It helps being willing to talk to sellers/get on the phone and talk to folks in the real estate space in general but the most important thing in my opinion is being an honest and true person.

When can we talk? 

Brian Chesky, Airbnb CEO, has talked about people's frustration with fees.

I'd be happy to talk through the strengths and weaknesses with you.

When this has me thinking that we also need to be talking about zoning, zoning, zoning.

I'd really vet the developer, their past projects, talk to prior partners (GP & LP) to see how prior development deals worked out and how the communication was, etc.

Have you actually talked to a bank?

Happy to connect and talk through scenarios if you are interested.