Thanks for all the replies. Here are the stats to help others learn where I faltered.
Purchase of 1958 (never remolded) SFR with basement/1st floor in good neighborhood, 1350sq/ft. 225k
Gut job and rebuild during COVID: 200k w/improvements (finished basement, shed with insulation & power for office, no builder quality items used, rear deck). Total investment - just over three years, many years of life taken off, and home would probably appraise around 400k (25k in the hole for all that labor/mental stress, NOT WORTH IT)
My takeaway as an amateur.
1) a deep renovation is a bad idea. I should have razed the building and built new or stuck with light renovations. The time it takes a builder to work with a structures framing and CMU basement that are not plumb, square, true, flat or waterproof is more costly than rebuilding with current building codes and engineering.
2) Take the time and cost you think it will be and multiply by 3 and 1.5
3) contractors will fail you again and again. WRITE YOUR OWN SCOPE OF WORK and make them sign that instead of the nebulous one they send you.
4) Demo'ing asbestos and lead is time consuming and costly. I'll buy 1978+ in the future
Your mileage may vary, but those were my revelations. An expensive education