The Charisma Myth
In sticking with my goal of reading 52 books this year I though I’d give a report on The Charisma Myth that I just finished up which is book 2 for the year.
This book is power packed full of tools in every chapter to change you as a person for the better using Charisma. It gives you a lot of ways to increase your Charisma and also several different Charisma techniques. I recommend the read if you are an avid non-fiction reader.
The Presence that you give off or that other people feel when they are around you is the core factor that is used to judge your Charisma. People with high Charisma give off a presence of high power and high warmth. They are the kind of people that are both important but also feel like an old friend. One way to do this is to wait until the person you are done speaking with is completely done with talking, pause for 2 full seconds, allow your facial expression to take in what they just said and then respond to them.
When talking to people your body language needs to be both friendly and fully present. It is normal for our minds to wander. While you are speaking with someone, fully concentrate on what they are saying, not thinking about your response. Allow them to talk without interruption of any kind. You can think about how you will respond when they are completely done talking.
Being Charismatic is difficult if you don’t feel good going into a conversation. One easy thing is to make sure if you are meeting an important person make sure you are comfortable, that means clothing, meeting location, noise levels, etc. Really think through where you want to meet before just saying oh lets meet at Starbucks. One of the worst Charisma killers is uncertainty. Humans HATE uncertainty. When you feel uncertainty it helps to first acknowledge that you can not control the outcome personally then transfer the responsibility of the outcome to an outside power (God, karma, the universe, etc) The ability to handle uncertainty without being uncomfortable is one of the biggest factors in business success.
The human brain filters for relevant information. It is looking for things that can hurt us or feed us on a primal level. This creates a negativity bias most of the time. When you aren’t 100% sure spin all situations to the positive. It will help your Charisma, mood, and outlook on life. It will also allow you better decision making ability and give you more capacity to be creative. An example is that if you are driving to work and a lady cuts you off, she is speeding up and slowing down, then changes lanes and cuts off the guy next to you. Most people would yell at the lady, honk, their heart rate would increase, they would be pissed off at the danger that lady put them in. BUT what if that lady had an infant in the back seat that was choking and she was desperately trying to pull off the road to help her baby. See how that changes everything? Spin uncertainty and when you feel negative to positive in your brain.
The flight or flight response is one of the most difficult mind sets to get out of and it can be caused by a lot of things. While you are in it there is no way to be Charismatic. One of the only ways to break out of that is to get Oxytocin pumping through your body. That is a chemical that makes you feel good and relaxed. Imagining someone you love and care about is hugging you, keep that though for 20 seconds. Doing that or even better actually hugging someone you care about for 3-5 seconds will do the trick.
To be Charismatic you must be empathetic. To build empathy quickly tell yourself a story of the person you are about to talk to’s past, present, and future. Imagine that they passed away tomorrow right after you talked to them. Imagine what people might say about the person at their funeral.
There are four different types of charisma: focus, visionary, kindness, and authority.
- Focus charisma requires presence. People feel that you are fully present and with them, listening to them, absorbing what they say, and understanding them.
- Visionary charisma requires projecting complete conviction and confidence in a cause. They may not be warm people, but they feel passionately about their vision.
- Kindness charisma is based on warmth. It connects with people's hearts so they feel welcomed, cherished, and completely accepted.
- Authority charisma is based on perception of power. We evaluate it through body language, appearance, title, and the reaction of others.
I believe that I have Visionary Charisma. The negatives I’ve seen to that is people line up quickly to follow me. They get behind my vision, and charge forward. That is great but people are less frequent to challenge me. To really question some of the things I want to do. My idea could be terrible and I could have my entire company following me. Personally I am working on holding back on this kind of Charisma with my team and trying to move more towards Focus Charisma.
First Impressions Matter! In your first conversation with someone the goal should be to get them talking as much as possible and for you to not talk very much. A good ice breaker is to complement something someone is wearing then ask “What’s the story behind that”. Continue the entire conversation with open ended questions only. To exit a conversation with grace, offer something of value: information they might find useful, a connection or introduction, an organization you belong to, or an award you think they should be nominated for. Don't fret about what you said. What impacts people isn't the words or content used, but how they felt to be speaking with you.
Be a good listener! If what you’re thinking about is what you want to say next, your lack of presence will be written all over your face. Master listeners never interrupt, let themselves be interrupted, and pause two seconds before they answer. Your face absorbs, then reacts, and then you answer. Downplaying a compliment sends a message to your admirer that they were wrong to compliment you. Stop, absorb the compliment, let that show on your face, and thank them instead.
Reminding people that they chose you, your company, your service, or your suggestion is one of the best ways to maintain their support for you or your idea.
When apologizing, first hear them out without rebutting and fully understand. Then say you're sorry with thoughtfulness and concern. Show that you understand the consequences, and steps to ensure it won't happen again.
If you need to present on stage with Charisma:
- Each point should open with stories, metaphors, analogies, numbers, and statistics that your audience can relate to. Close with a clear point or a transition to the step you want the audience to take.
- Audiences remember beginnings and endings, so don't end with a Q&A. Let the audience ask questions during the presentation; this increases their participation and energy level.
- To project power and own the stage, adopt a wide stance, practice without a podium or lectern, and find the right volume to project confidence.
- To project warmth, speak as if you were sharing a secret, and give one or two seconds of eye contact per person as you roam the stage.
- Pause frequently and deliberately. Have the confidence to make your listeners wait for your words. Also pause for three seconds after you first walk on stage, while sweeping your eyes across the audience.
I hope you enjoyed this summary of The Charisma Myth. I give the book a 4/5. This is a great book to buy and potentially just read 1 chapter every once in awhile because it is packed with so many stand alone tips.
