The VA loan is an unbelievable advantage every military investor should be using, IMO. You can do 100% financing and can acquire small MFR, so long as you occupy one unit. I literally think it's the best loan product in the entire country.
And, forgive me if I'm overstepping, but I wanted to make a comment on your mindset. I saw a few "I can't" "Well, yeah, but..." "That doesn't really seem to be available where I live". Personally, I'd like to challenge you to eliminate those from your internal dialogue. Instead of saying why things won't work for you, try to brainstorm ways you could make them work, even if it's just an intellectual exercise.
If renting rooms isn't a good fit since you're a family man, how about buying a single family home with an accessory dwelling? Garage apt, finished walkout basement, finished attic with separate entrance? Don't see any listed, then start looking for a place where you can finish it. If you haven't seen any good MFR, figure out why not -- zoning issue, construction costs, population density?
Get your numbers down pat -- spend time on craigslist seeing how much houses rent for, and then go to realtor.com and figure out if any single families in your area will cashflow (not to buy, because you don't have the money down right now; just as an exercise to build your deal-recognition muscle).
When you find the MFR in your area, call the landlords and PMs and ask if you can take them for coffee. Learn about your market (demographics, property taxes, rehab/maintenance costs, pitfalls and code enforcement curiosities).
Good luck, and keep us posted!