The best Mother's Day gift I received

Ah, the smell of breakfast as I lounge in bed. It doesn’t happen often, but it did on Mother’s Day. On Sunday, I felt suitably pampered as a Mom. Of all the gifts that I received, one stands out and it didn’t come wrapped with a bow. The gift I cherish the most is seeing my two capable daughters on their way to becoming independent adults. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

A big portion of the uncertainty of every parent’s financial future is whether we raise financially independent kids. All your financial plans may go out the window if you need to support a child into their adult years.

I’m not referring to hard stuff like building a marketable skill, or majoring in STEM. I’m not talking about even harder stuff like teaching your kids to tolerate discomfort, struggle with challenges, or engage in creative thinking. I’m discussing raising children who have the basic ability to live outside your home.

Who would have thought that the skills that that sets my children apart from their peers, would be basic independence and self-care? Shoot, just teaching them to walk to a school is like teaching them to cheat.

Former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims, and author of How to Raise an Adult wrote an article about the skills every 18-year-old needs.  Haims says every young adult needs to be able to talk to strangers, navigate their way around town, earn and manage money.

So how do you take steps towards building these skills?  How about opening your own branch of Bank of Mom, involving your kids in your own real estate business, or (gasp!) share your personal finance numbers with them. Every summer I have a list of independence goals for the my kids. It used to be stuff like walk to the local mini mart, or spend a couple hours home alone without supervision. As my kids get older there are bigger challenges like take the commuter train up to a nearby city and grab an ice cream sandwich. Start small and build.

As Ann Landers said, “It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”

By the way, if you haven’t done this already, call your Mom. She’d love to hear from you even if the special day has passed.