Start Your Relationships with Honesty, it Really is the Best Way

This post is in reaction to something that happened to me today that took me by complete surprise! I'm usually not at a loss for words, today, I found myself speechless.

A little back story so you'll understand this lesson I'm hoping to pass on. 

A few months ago, a young man connected with me. He, at the time seemed very smart, energetic, focused. I drilled him with what seemed like a million questions to make sure he was serious, I needed to make sure that if I was going to commit my valuable time and effort into helping this young man, he was not going to waste it in vain. 

Needless to say, it was in vain. He was unable to stay focused. He was overly excited to a point where he focus wasn't priority. I woudl instruct him on very specific steps to do. He would instead spend his time questioning. I certainly don't mind being asked questions if you don't understand something, but don't question what you're being told to do and then suggesting to do something else you 'think' is a better idea. 

This went on several times and I decided he was going to continue to waste my time. If he was so sure that his way was better, then surely, what I was telling him, was not wasting my time but his time. So I let him do as he wished because it apparently was better. 

He emailed a few times apologizing and promising that he's learned his lesson and he's ready to rock. I fell for it and obliged him only to quickly, and I mean very quickly, learn that he hadn't changed his way of thinking his way of doing things was superior. 

I had no hard feelings towards him, it's not like I thought he was a bad person. I'm sure I would get along with him as friends. He was just making it painfully obvious that he was going to waste my valuable time as a business connection. 

There were a few things I learned about him through this process that I'll mention later and how he plays into this. 

Fast forward to much more recently and current times.

A young woman connects with me. She seems very smart, energetic and focused. We speak a few times and she's a breathe of fresh air because she has a grip on the idea, concept and has already purchsed some investing material. All she needed was a little hand holding and direction. 

She said a few things that didn't click until later. Up until this point she was doing very very well. Then, it all went downhill from there in one phone call. 

We spoke today and were discussing a specific topic.  Everything was going well until she said one specific statement, "I'm fluent in spanish" is what she said. I thought that was great! I thought immediately went through my head, I thought about a time when this gentleman mentioned before had told me his girlfriend was half japanese and half hispanic. I even had her translate for me once a few months ago. 

The time this thought of memory was as quick as picture flash in my head. I immediately confirmed with her, "Wait, you mean to tell me you're half Japanese and half Hispanic?" she replied, "yes". I remember her mentioning she had a boyfriend, I confirmed this with her again, she reluctantly and almost as if she had something to hide confirmed it. I asked what his name was, she gave me his birth name, not the name he goes by and that she knows that I know him by, again, reluctantly as if she has something to hide. I then asked what his 'English' name was. 

Then, as if it was something that was out of a weird science fiction movie, a million thoughts and memories ran through my head as she said his name as she knew I knew of. I asked if we had ever spoken to each other on the phone prior to connecting on BP. She was still reluctant but knew I had figured her out. She had no other choice but to go on the defensive. 

She claimed that working with her had nothing to do with him and that she didn't tell me before because she didn't want that to affect anything. All kinds of excuses that weren't necessary. Her cover was blown. Regardless of what she says, I know one thing:

She should have been honest up front!  

I wasn't upset that she had a boyfriend, I wasn't upset that her boyfriend was this particular guy, remember, I didn't have any problems with the guy other than I thought he was a time waster. 

What I did have a problem with is that she went out of her way to NOT tell me. She obviously knew this might be an issue or that I might not agree to work with her(which I probably wouldn't have if I knew). My biggest and only concern was that she didn't tell me and that she should have been up front and honest with me. She knew she's spoken to me before, why didn't she mention that? She knew that I blew off her boyfriend, maybe she didn't know why, but surely, it should have been a topic brought up in the beginning of our connecting. 

After I realized that this person had purposely tried to hide what I would think is 'important information' I told her don't worry about it. I told her it wasn't that big of a deal and she should have just told me from the beginning. Sure, I was upset, but she's been doing great so far and I certainly didn't want ruin the chance at changing someones life. 

Then, the worst thing that could have happened, happened. 

She questioned the entire conversation we just had about a very specific topic we just covered. Exactly like her boyfriend did that earned him the cold shoulder. Result.......

A lesson learned that I need to do more due diligence before I decide to devote any of my valuable time in helping someone else and NO, I will not continue helping either one of these people anymore!