Maintaining Mental Health in a Self-Congratulatory Industry

Last week, I had the privilege of sitting on a Powerhouse Woman’s Panel at a local real estate investors event. But instead of touting how we’re always crushing it in the real estate game –- we were transparent about how we handle active business ownership and passive investing through times of significant loss, single parenting, depression and anxiety, and divorce. The moderator even opened up the session by sharing that, as a single mom struggling to keep it together all the time, she had cried that very morning while getting ready! I’ve been there! It was a sharp departure from standard real estate talks full of superlatives like “100 doors in one year”, “six-figures on one flip”, or “10xing fill-in-the-blank”.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sharing success stories, but there are unforeseen consequences with constantly aggrandizing the real estate industry. So, I chose to expose my high levels of anxiety that I only discovered after I found myself scaling a start-up. I shared my divorces – yes, plural, not because I’m proud of it but because we need to humanize the investor avatar and show other women that behind the facade of success lies an ordinary woman struggling with her own set of issues and circumstances.

For some investors, the constant Lego Movie narrative of “everything is awesome” can breed feelings of underachievement, guilt and self-doubt – especially amongst women. It can lead to unnecessarily aggressive goal setting at the sacrifice of one’s emotional wellbeing. And why? Because our industry is blaring bigger is better and if you aren’t leveling up, your losing traction?

I’m not saying you can’t go big or go home. However, if in pursuit of going big you find yourself overwhelmed, on the brink, or burned out, then maybe you should reset your personal expectations and give yourself permission to slow down to a pace that gives you back some sanity. The reality is as an investor we get to choose our own path and set our own deadlines so we shouldn’t feel the need to create self-imposed goals that only make us feel like we aren’t achieving enough.

I want women (and men) to know it’s OK to play the slow and steady game in order to preserve your mental health and enjoy the ride a little more. I want them to know that 50 doors is arbitrary if you haven’t figured out what your “why” truly means – hint: it isn’t a number. It’s a feeling and a set of values. I know a lot of people with a handful of doors who lead pretty fun lives full of freedom of choice.

Apparently, the message last week resonated with the audience as I was caught off guard by how many people (men included) came up to say they really appreciated the vulnerability and felt comforted by it. And, in turn, this resounding feedback, made me feel comforted in the fact that I wasn’t alone in my feelings of guilt and insecurity.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve taken stock of my wants and needs, and I realized that with success only comes more responsibility – and right now I don’t want more of that. So, staying small in both my business and my portfolio has been deliberate for my own sanity. But that doesn’t mean I’m not grinding. That doesn’t mean I’m lazy. I just know now that I need to question everything I do and ask myself, “Will this bring me joy?”

Don’t confuse being content with being complacent. These two things are not the same.

Real estate can be an arrogant, narcissistic world and you aren’t weak for admitting that it might get the best of you at times. Hopefully this post will let you know you aren’t alone and that sometimes it’s OK to not be OK.