Compassionate Transacting, where do your deals land?

There has been a lot of talk about how the MeToo movement has affected how we relate and do business together. Many observers believe the tide continues to shift and what it all means for business and how we work together (or not), really has yet to be seen. I’d like to touch on another aspect of the male, female dynamic, that comes into play in our real estate transactions, though I hear few people talking about it. It’s how women (mostly however sure, some men may also experience similar issues so please don’t interpret this as a one sided conversation), are treated after a divorce or death of a spouse.

One of the things I have seen with some, in this situation is that “traditional” banks abandon them. There’s something very cool about being on the private banking high net worth side of the fence. But oh my gosh when a account holder falls below the minimums? It’s business folks and those account holders are kicked to the curb faster than you can say “mourning”. Of course the bank gets their fees before removing the account holder from the fold. I say mourning to encompass both scenarios. We need time, space and compassion to mourn any loss whether it’s a marriage or partnership through death or divorce. There’s some adjusting to be done.

So where do we come in? Likely, we’re involved in acquiring their property. But we might be renting to them. Or we may be helping them invest what they have from their marriage or partnership to empower them to grow their wealth (hopefully sensibly). Unfortunately there are predators out there ready to pounce and take advantage of circumstances. This is particularly so of our elders. This takes all forms too as many of you know. One recent widow was being taken advantage of by her “housekeeper”. The house was filthy, yet she paid a princely sum every week and even got into the habit of cleaning up before the “housekeeper” came. It got ugly when the woman’s daughter revealed the truth. Anytime anything like this happens the person, (people of business) involved will become very defensive. They don’t want their gravy train disturbed. You may see this in real estate transactions you are involved in.

One scenario that plays out in various ways is when a child (or children) boot out their step mother (second, third of whatever, wife of the deceased), so they can “get their inheritance”. There are laws against elder abuse of this kind. If you see a situation like this, you could ignore it and hope the poor woman figures out what to do next with her life (I hope you don’t), or you could help her figure out how to protect herself. Each State will have different rules about this kind of thing, however we’re often talking about what is moral and just. That may be steering her in the right direction or suggesting she speak to a lawyer. If she has dementia, there are likely elder abuse organizations who could help her. You step aside and let them handle it and you move on to a transaction that isn’t exploitive. You have a choice.

There’s another side to all this. Say the woman (again it could be a man but using the generalization here to make the point), isn’t senile but she didn’t do ANYTHING relating to money or finances in her marriage or partnership? The same principles are in play. Some hope someone else will come to her rescue. Does she need rescuing, say others? She’ll figure it out. Or worse, she deserves it. Yikes. No one deserves to be left in the dark about their financial situation. These are learnable skills. Even women who are brilliant in other areas or their life might be financially illiterate. Again, some will be tempted to take advantage of a financially illiterate person. I invite you to be compassionate and extend a hand to this kind of person. You may still get the deal and I hope you do. But now it’s with a greater sense of satisfaction, I hope, and possibly with the chance of doing more business with this person. They might also refer someone who is just like them to you. Listen, if they felt scared or worse scammed, they won’t use or recommend you and they may even bad mouth you. Bad press isn’t good and it’s a small world ultimately. Happy people share good experiences.

So think about the person on the other side of your deal. What are they going through? You may not know. However, financial illiteracy leaves evidence and reveals itself. Consider the compassionate choice in your transactions. Think what you would do if the person you are transacting with, was your, mother, sister, grandmother, aunt or daughter. How differently would you transact a deal with them if they were your family? I hope MeToo creates stronger smarter financial decision makers and I hope you are a part of that.