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Dark Days - Is self-imposed pressure dangerous?
I had an experience with a startup company that I helped build from the ground up. At some point, my boss, the founder and CEO, stopped trusting my advice, despite my decades of experience in a field he knew virtually nothing about.
He had potential investors and current clients telling him: "You guys create an amazing product. How are you going to do something different for us though?"
I advised my boss that we can ABSOLUTELY meet their needs but you need to tell them it's going to COST them more. And I had been telling him for at least a year that we were already butting up against what a consumer would pay for our product.
And we fought about that for 6 months. Trust dissipated completely. After I had been there for 3 years. So I had to leave. It was no different than a romantic relationship. Once trust was gone, the relationship was done, and I had to move on.
This is part of my journey to RE. I have begun to realize that I can't work for someone any more. I'm making this blog public in order to hold myself accountable. I may not get there. I have dark days of doubt and fear and now being in between jobs that I couldn't tolerate, the self-disappointment looms large. I come from a family of high expectations. This pressure NEVER leaves you.
I'm willing to work hard but I feel like I must find work that I can tolerate in order to make this next step. I can't trust anyone but myself right now, and when the only person you trust is yourself, that doubt expands and metastatizes. The journey continues.
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