Elevator Pitch Feedback

[Michael DiGiovanni]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to the real estate investing scene. Currently, I am a college student attending the University of Washington in Seattle trying to pursue my investing business full time. However, I have yet to meet any mentors that would be willing to help me stay on the right path to success -- without going off course and eventually crashing and burning. With that being said, I was wondering if I could receive some feedback on the following "elevator pitch" I put together if I were to come across a potential candidate for a mentor. Thank you all in advance for your valuable time spent helping me in this endeavor. Truly, it means a lot. 

Situation Prompt:

As you walk into an elevator, you notice you are sharing the space with a premier real estate agent and/or investor in the State of Washington. It's been your goal for some time now to network with someone of their caliber and expertise in the industry. You have 30-60 seconds to deliver your "elevator pitch" before you reach your desired floor. Your objective would be to introduce yourself, give a brief explanation of your business endeavours, and finish by exchanging business cards to eventually set up a time and date to take them out to lunch and see how you can benefit each other -- hopefully ending in an invaluable mentor for you as well as an important working relationship for your business.

My Response:

Good afternoon. My name is Michael DiGiovanni. I am a local real estate investor currently specializing in the process of wholesaling real estate. Presently, I am following what’s known as the staircase method laid out in my business plan which entails using the capital generated through the wholesaling process to finance our fixing and flipping deals, and finally using the capital generated through our fixing and flipping deals to finance apartment complex investments. With all this being said, I was wondering if you’d do me the honor of allowing me to take you out to lunch and ask you a couple of questions to see how we may benefit each other? *Hand out business card. It was a pleasure meeting you, and I thank you for your valuable time and attention.

[Michael Hicks]

Hey Michael, although I completely understand everything you are saying in your pitch...if I were imagining myself in an elevator and being approached with that, you'd have probably lost me at "Presently I'm following..." The biggest thing for me is you approaching me in the first place. Introduce yourself. Tell me you would like to take me out to lunch and pick my brain for a bit. Ask for my card and hand me yours. They put their pants on one leg at a time just like you. I'm sure there may be some guys that might not feel the same way but I don't think I've ever been told no by someone I've approached. On the flip side, I've never tell anyone no when I am approached. Don't forget where you came from. That young guy that approaches you in fifteen years was you just a short time ago. What becomes agrivating is when the same people come up to you at every REIA event, ask for your card, tell you that they want to talk, and never follow through but keep wandering around talking about how they can't find any deals. I'm a simple guy and that's just my humble opinion.