Getting your significant other on board

[Andrew Kennedy]

How? Seriously, how do you get your spouse on board, especially when you’re starting out?

I came into some money and have been focusing on real estate for the last few months. I have ready close to 40 books, contacted a lot of people to discuss, read articles and gone through podcasts. 

my wife won’t get on board. She says she’s on board but everything I try to show her or ask her to read, she won’t. I have her 1 book 3 months ago and she’s maybe read 20 pages of it. It’s really frustrating because I find myself fighting her reluctance and pushback every time I go to make a decision. I’m trying to keep her involved in the decision making process but she doesn’t educate herself or contribute. I’m at the point where I don’t even want to add her to any of the properties or consider using her credit because I don’t want to fight every time it’s time to purchase another investment property. She doesn’t want to do any work, doesn’t want to have a contractor come in to do the work a property needs and only wants to have turn key rentals. It’s so frustrating because that is why so many people pass on deals, because they don’t know or don’t want to put in the work. But she constantly says “Look at this 1.2 million dollar home we could have for us!” She expects us to purchase every property and just collect a check. I’m at a loss, and every time I talk to her about it or ask her for her input, she always has a negative mindset and can’t even see any potential that I do because she hasn’t educated herself. I can’t force her and I don’t know what to do

[Juan V Lopez]

Andrew, I say this to you respectfully as an investor and husband myself or a wife who has 0 interest in real estate investing – it's not her job to educate herself and get on board at the same level you are.

We men often get this wrong because we think that if our partner doesn't feel the same way we do, then there is something wrong with them that must be fixed before we can move forward.

2 key points for you that have helped me:

1) Your wife is merely communicating her preferences. She is not wrong and you are not wrong. You both have individual preferences based on past experiences. Your goal as a husband and provider should be to find middle ground in what both of you want.

2) She has no reason to believe your way will work anyway. When we're starting off as investors, we get so caught up in telling our partners' success stories about other people or things we've read or heard. Truthfully, they have no reason to believe us because we haven't done it ourselves. Some people can be convinced through words. Others need to see it through action and proof.

Trust me, my wife is as big of a nonbeliever as they come lol. But she completely trusts me now to be financially responsible and have our family's best interest in mind – even if she thinks the properties I buy look like sh*t.

My wife allows me to control our finances and invest in real estate with full autonomy. In return, she got a cabin in Big Bear this year that we are holding as a STR (and using ourselves) and she next wants a condo in Miami that we can also STR and use ourselves.

She gets what she wants after I proved to her that what I wanted was a way to get us there. Make both of you guys happy.

Find common ground. It's you guys vs your challenge. Not you vs your wife. Wish you guys the best, brother.