Couple of Ha Ha Jokes

[Lee Common]

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq.

The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked
through the streets.

Katie Couric said,'Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken.'

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Charlie Gibson said, 'I'm living in ' New York , so I'd like to hear the song, The Moon and Me, one last time.'

The terrorist leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned
with some rag-tag musicians and played the song.
Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Williams dictated his comments.
He then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?

'Kick me in the ***,' said the Marine.

'What?' asked the leader, 'Will you mock us in your last hour?'

'No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the ***,' insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him in the ***.
The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, then with his knife he slashed the throat of one, and
with an AK-47, which he took, sprayed the rest of the terrorists killing another 11. In a flash, all of them were either dead or
fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson, and Williams, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place?
Why did you ask him to kick you in the ***?'

'What?' replied the Marine, 'and have you three ***'s report that I was the aggressor....?

Semper Fi!

Three Californian surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in California. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost sever fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."


The second surgeon said, "That's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them and two years later he won a gold medal in track and field events at the Olympics."


The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the woman's hair and the horse's ***. I was able to put them together and now she's Speaker of the House."