Success is lonely

[Susan M.]

Ever since I was a kid I always had more than my friends. Not because my family was rich but because I worked for it. While everyone else was hanging out, I was working. When everyone else was in college, I was working. When everyone else was just getting started at jobs and paying back college loans, my career was already taking off. Now I'm well settled in my career and have quite a nice real estate venture going.

And all my life I've always had to hide my success. When I was 16 and had a car and money to go do things, none of my other friends did. The option was to pay their way or just not go because no one else could afford it. In my twenties when I could have been having great vacations and fun, none of my friends could afford it, so again it was either pay their way or don't go. In my 30s, all of my friends were saddled with families and money and time were short, while I had plenty of time and money and no family to tie me down. Now in my 40s, people are still saddled with debt and problems and life in general and I'm doing pretty darn well, but I can't share that success with anyone.

Success is a lonely place to be unless you're surrounded by other successful people. No one wants to hear about your latest real estate deal and how well things are going when their lives aren't going as well. Or maybe it's just me that thinks they don't want to hear it, but regardless, it doesn't seem right to be happy about more success when those you are sharing it with are struggling. 

I just closed on another deal yesterday and was really excited.  Maybe I'm needy but I wanted someone else to be happy with me, for me, but could ultimately only share with my husband and Mom and my Mom doesn't really get it but she's my Mom so she's happy for me.

Do others have this problem? I am really starting to see now why it's important to find other people with the same interests and success and to surround yourself by them. I am going to seek out others in this coming year at REIA meetings because it's becoming increasingly difficult to continue to be successful yet feel somewhat guilty about it.

[David C.]

I'm a tech consultant and network with local technology people.  I've met quite a few successful guys there, some who completely make me feel like small potatoes, its a nice reality check: there are other successful people out there!

The focus of these groups is not to brag about past success - mostly its about fostering a stronger tech community in our local area - and hearing about the new things people are doing.  Having a common, future oriented goal with other successful people is a great experience.

Maybe the REIA is a good place for a real estate person? If not, maybe the chamber of commerce? economic development? find something you are passionate about and volunteer. The leaders in many volunteer and economic development organizations get there from their previous success.

Is there a country club near you?

[Larry Turowski]

@Susan M. I gave your an vote for being so honest.  It sounds like part of the issue is just learning how to make friends that share your values and interests.

Keep and treasure the friends that you have.  But, you may want to develop some friendships with others who have maybe worked hard or made some sacrifices in order to be financially healthy and who share some interest with you.  Maybe they aren't into real estate but they started their own business or got an engineering degree and went to med school.

It sounds like you would like to enjoy some things you could afford but that your friends cannot.  Maybe you should join a group that does those things.  Maybe a travel club, or a ski club, or whatever.

None of my local friends are into real estate, and I try not to talk about scoring a great deal, but they can afford things that I enjoy, like going out to eat.